The 12 Essential Life Anchors Wholehearted Listening during High-Intensity Emotional Conversations Dr. Joe Famularo (10min read) Wholehearted Listening during High-Intensity Emotional Conversations *Listen *Process – *Reflect Back *Respond Back LP
A cold, windy day. A walk on the beach with Lilly. And a reflection on how we handle life’s unexpected turns. In this post, I share a real moment and a simple framework to help you lead with clarity—especially when things don’t go as planned.
We all have someone who changed our lives—someone who saw potential in us before we saw it in ourselves. These are our IOU people—the ones who shape who we are, influence what we do, and inspire us to live with purpose.
For me, that person was my cousin, Dom Famularo. His impact on my life went beyond music—it was about passion, connection, and living with intention.
Who’s your IOU person? The one you owe for shaping the person you’ve become?
Leadership can feel overwhelming, but what if the key to less stress and more impact isn’t about doing more—but leading with intention? The IOU Intentional Leader helps you align your leadership from the inside out—Know Your I, Own Your O, and Receive the U—so you can lead with clarity, confidence, and balance. Read more to discover how to shift from reacting to leading with purpose!
What if IOU wasn’t about what you owe others, but what you owe yourself? IO Me is the foundation of intentional living—aligning your inner clarity with your outward actions to create a life of meaning and purpose. Read more to discover how you can take ownership of your journey!
IOU Life Leadership What is IOU LIFE LEADERSHIP? Dr. Joe Famularo (3 min read) If I told you that there was a way to have more peacefulness, happiness, healthiness, and excellence in your life, wouldn’t you want to know more? What if I told you that you could start right now by thinking about your Inward Living (you and your thoughts and reflections) and your Outward Living (your relationships with others)? What is IOU LIFE LEADERSHIP? If I told you that there was a way to have more peacefulness, happiness, healthiness, and excellence in your life, wouldn’t you want to know more? Aren’t these the ultimate Life Gifts that we all seek? I don’t know of anyone who doesn’t want to experience more peace, increase their happiness, have a greater degree of health, and achieve excellence in their personal and professional life. What if I told you that you could start right now by thinking about your Inward Living (you and your thoughts and reflections) and your Outward Living (your relationships with others)? In fact, IOU Life Leadership will show you how to design your life through both Inward and Outward Living based on timeless and universal principles. It will kickstart your journey by giving you a foundational framework for intentional living. By intentional living, I mean living life by your design and not by the design of others, on autopilot, or just going through the motions. Life Leadership is the big picture vision of what we should strive for in life. It’s living Inwardly and Outwardly in a positive and effective intentional manner to receive Upward Living and the Life Gifts of Peacefulness, Happiness, Healthiness, and Excellence which I call our PH2E. Our day-to-day actualization of this big picture is IOU Living. This is our Daily Mission, the decisions we make and the actions we do day in and day out to make our big picture vision a reality. IOU Living is living with intentional awareness of our Inward and Outward Living and according to the design of our Life Plan. It is making decisions and acting in such a way that we move with intention towards our big picture goal. There are solid, grounded, and universal principles that help us along the way. These principles are found in all Life Plans for intentional living. Although there are numerous principles which may effectively guide our lives, I believe there are 12 essential ones that will transform our lives. Consistently using these 12 Essential Life Anchors in our daily lives will lead to Upward Living embodying Peacefulness, Happiness, Healthiness, and Excellence (PH2E), which will assist you in navigating toward a Dynamic Positive Culture for yourself, family, team, and organization.
IOU Living What is a Dynamic Positive Culture? Dr. Joe Famularo (3.6 min read) A Dynamic Positive Culture for family, teams, and organizations is one of the results of intentional and effective Inward and Outward Life Living. It is when a group of people has a clear destination, and all members are heading toward it in a safe, enjoyable, and effective manner. What is a Dynamic Positive Culture? Have you ever walked into a new environment – it could be a business, a family, a store – and felt what a great place it was? You could just tell by the way people in that environment spoke and behaved toward one another, maybe even by the decorations that hung on the walls, or the symbols and slogans that were displayed. You felt welcomed and valued, and probably inspired. What you were sensing was that organization’s (or family’s) Dynamic Positive Culture. A Dynamic Positive Culture for family, teams, and organizations is one of the results of intentional and effective Inward and Outward Life Living. It is when a group of people has a clear destination, and all members are heading toward it in a safe, enjoyable, and effective manner. The culture is guided by true north, universal, and natural principles and everyone has a mindset of continuously improving their mind, body, and heart. When you achieve a Dynamic Positive Culture for your family, team, and organization, the group’s Life Plan is being executed by design, on course toward its Life Vision, living out its Daily Mission and moving closer to achieving its goals. Every member will experience high levels of Peacefulness, Happiness, Healthiness, and Excellence, or what I term PH2E. When you are immersed in a Dynamic Positive Culture, there is high trust, and people treat each other with integrity. When dynamic leadership is established, an organization becomes a learning community, continuously improving the mind, body, and heart. Organizations that grow a Dynamic Positive Culture of leadership promote shared decision-making and release the pressure to act individually in a vacuum. They help everyone adjust to inevitable change by offering proper tools to make adjustments necessary for the challenges and changes ahead. Dynamic leadership recognizes that everyone has unique talents which need to be nurtured and celebrated. The opposite of a Dynamic Positive Culture is a Toxic Negative Culture. This occurs when the group member’s Inward and Outward living is negative and ineffective. People do not treat others with respect, there is little character, and low trust. Which organization would you rather belong to – one that radiates positivity where everyone works towards common goals or one where people act out of self-interest and lack character and competence? What about if your family, team or organization is somewhere in between these two extremes? If you want to improve the family, team or organization, you need to improve the culture by enhancing the relationships within it. Start small and concentrate on improving your own behaviors first. Act with trust and integrity and model these behaviors for everyone you encounter. Make sure that your words and your Outward Actions are aligned.
IOU Living Who’s on your Inward Life Ship? No Draining Pirates allowed! Dr. Joe Famularo (3 min read) We all are captains of our own personal Life Ship through the calm and storms of life. We call this your Inward Life Ship. However, we don’t travel alone. Everyone has companions with them throughout their life journey. The hope is to have others with you who support your journey and life aspirations: people who lift you, encourage you, and inspire you! When you reflect on it, you may see that you have individuals who are pulling you down, draining you and maybe even sabotaging you. These people are Draining Pirates who may be pulling you down and sinking your ship! The good news is they don’t have to stay there. It may be time for them to “walk the plank!” Who’s on your Inward Life Ship? No Draining Pirates allowed! We all are captains of our own personal Life Ship through the calm and storms of life. We call this your Inward Life Ship. However, we don’t travel alone. Everyone has companions with them throughout their life journey. The hope is to have others with you who support your journey and life aspirations: people who lift you, encourage you, and inspire you! On your Inward Life Ship there are four categories of people that are with you like engines that produce the power that drive your Life Ship. Your four engines are: 1 – Yourself; 2 – your Spirit, 3 – your Family; 4 – your Friends. Who’s with you on your Life Ship? Write down their names. Do you bring the world’s negativity on your Life Ship? When you reflect on it, you may see that you have individuals who are pulling you down, draining you and maybe even sabotaging you. These people are Draining Pirates who may be pulling you down and sinking your ship! The good news is they don’t have to stay there – you have 100% control over who you allow on your ship. Get your Inward Life Ship in order. Your crew should be the most important people in your life – your closest family members and friends and your inward connection to your spirit. These people are embedded in your Inward Being and add value to your life journey. If there are Draining Pirates that are continually taking your Life Ship off course or even sinking you, it may be time for them to figuratively “walk the plank” in your Inward Mind! Put the Draining Pirates on a dinghy or small boat that floats close by. Once they are mentally off your Life Ship you can get on with your life journey. You will immediately feel more PH2E – peacefulness, happiness, healthiness, and excellence. I’m sure you can think of Draining Pirates who you might want to “walk the plank.” Start making your list! The dinghy is a holding place for the difficult people in your life. It’s a place off your Life Ship which gives you some cognitive distance. If you wish, you can rebuild your relationship with them over time. If and when you feel the relationship has improved and they are supporting you, welcome them back on board your Life Ship to join you on your journey. Until then, no Draining Pirates should ever be on your ship! While the difficult people are on the dinghy, it can be a valuable teaching moment because you may begin to realize that the problem is not them but rather how you choose to respond to them. No one really wants to be a Draining Pirate. They are negative for a reason, and we need to understand them and hope they transform to being more positive. We always have 100% control over how we react to others, and our reaction to them is our reality. In essence it’s not them, it’s us. Many times we keep difficult people on our Inward Life Ship because we think we can change them. You cannot control and change others. You can try to influence and inspire them, but you cannot change or control them. There is a big difference between controlling and trying to influence others. Don’t think about controlling others, instead think about inspiring with your heart and influencing with your mind. The only change that you have complete control over is the change you make within yourself. It’s time to get your “Life Ship” in order, and chart a course based on your life aspirations that will propel the great Life Gifts of peacefulness, happiness, healthiness, and excellence (PH2E) into your life. So right now, as you are navigating your life journey – is your Life Ship stuck, drifting, or even sinking? If so, get back on course by determining…Who’s on your Inward Life Ship? Remember, No Draining Pirates Allowed! P.S. As we begin the New Year, send a quick message to some or all of your “crew” that you chose to be on your Life Ship. Let them know that they are important to you and on your Inward Life Ship. Show gratitude for their support on your life journey!
IOU Living Lessons From A Great American Sailor Dr. Joe Famularo (3 min read) Read about Vincent Famularo, a great American sailor, whose life lessons inspired me to write IOU Life Leadership. Each chapter begins with a story about Vincent’s life and how he inspired me, my family, and so many others that he interacted with during his lifetime. Lessons From A Great American Sailor We all love to be inspired by someone. I am fortunate to have had so many people in my life who have inspired me. The word inspire is from the Latin word ‘inspirare’ which means to “breathe life into.” How beautiful to have someone breathe life into us which injects their enthusiasm, optimism, and positivity in us and prompts us to make our best efforts moving forward. A person who inspired me was my grandfather Vincent Famularo. The lessons he shared inspired me to write a book, IOU Life Leadership. I included the subtitle, Lessons From A Great American Sailor, because each chapter begins with a story about Vincent’s life and how he inspired me, my family, and so many others that he interacted with during his lifetime. Integrity is the first word that comes to mind when I think of the way he lived his life as a son, father, grandfather, businessman, community member, and during his proudest time serving as a sailor in the US Navy. Vincent immigrated alone from Italy when he was 13, carrying only a black trunk and $30 in his pocket in search of a better life for himself and his family. In 1918, while serving in the US Navy during WWI, he became very ill at the height of the Spanish flu crisis. He was admitted to a US Naval Hospital in Paris and fought his way to recovery. Through his modeling the lessons of Life Leadership along with my many years of research, IOU Life Leadership provides a systematic approach to help us live our lives by design in a positive and effective manner using The 12 Essential Life Anchors. It’s for anyone seeking deeper insight into themselves, looking to live according to a plan, and wanting to become an IOU Life Leader! The book uses a nautical theme based on the analogy that you are the captain of your ship, navigating through life with beauty and obstacles along the way. Vincent literally and figuratively sailed the seas of life and provided essential Life Leadership lessons for everyone around him. You owe it to yourself and others to learn and practice IOU Living and become an IOU Life Leader! Thank you, grandpa, for the inspiration!
The 12 Essential Life Anchors Be Your Own Life Coach Dr. Joe Famularo (3 min read) “It doesn’t cost anything to live the IOU Principle, but you must start and be persistent.” Learn how to be your own life coach! Be Your Own Life Coach What if there were a life coach who would be available for you 24/7 for an entire year to help you reach your goals with a positive attitude? Michael Serwa is one such life coach who claims to be the highest-paid personal life coach in the United Kingdom. He works with top executives for an annual fee to help them feel peaceful and happy. Several of Serwa’s clients said they felt balance in their lives and better understood themselves and what was important to them after working with him. Many coaches will work with you one-on-one to find balance in your life, build positive relationships, and improve your outlook on life. As I reviewed many of these coaches’ goals, I noticed one common theme: success is measured by their clients’ happiness and fulfillment. Serwa states that general happiness is almost always the average of all the other areas addressed in his consultations. So, what’s the secret to happiness? It’s quite simple—it’s the average of everything going on in your life. It’s common sense that there is no way you will be happy if your relationships are toxic or your career is failing. We need to ask what areas provide the most growth opportunities and concentrate on them to grow our happiness. The ultimate goal is to increase your Happiness level, along with increases in Peacefulness, Healthiness, and Excellence. By studying your Inward Intelligence, you will begin to understand yourself and then create a plan to improve your Outward Actions, ultimately leading to the Upward Living Gifts of your PH2E. This should be a systematic approach to aligning your innate, internal wisdom to your purpose and passions and then moving Outwardly toward fulfilling your goals and dreams. My book, IOU Life Leadership, provides this systematic approach by introducing 12 Essential Life Anchors which are timeless and universal Life Principles that can transform your life. It doesn’t cost anything to live the IOU Principle, but you must start and be persistent. You need to choose to begin walking the path to take control of your life, which will start with understanding your thinking and your Inward purpose and passions to gain more clarity, confidence, and an Outward action plan to move forward and build upon them. Be your own life coach and begin today! IOU LIVING ~ IOU LIFE LEADERSHIP™
The 12 Essential Life Anchors The IOU Life Living Wheel and The 12 ESSENTIAL LIFE ANCHORS Dr. Joe Famularo (4 min read) The Upward Life Gifts of Peacefulness, Happiness, Healthiness, and Excellence are the most important qualities we strive for in life. Every relationship, event, and action is accompanied by a byproduct or result. Our hope is for a byproduct that increases our PH2E. Don’t you wish your life was filled with Peacefulness, Happiness, Healthiness, and Excellence? What is PH2E? Stephen M. R. Covey wrote: “IOU Life Leadership provides a useful map of living from the inside out, with the ultimate goal of Upward Living and receiving the great gifts of life that we all desire: Peacefulness, Happiness, Healthiness, and Excellence…which Joe has termed as PH2E.” The greatest gifts in life are your PH2E! The Upward Life Gifts of Peacefulness, Happiness, Healthiness, and Excellence are the most important qualities we strive for in life. Every relationship, event, and action is accompanied by a byproduct or result. Our hope is for a byproduct that increases our PH2E. Don’t you wish your life was filled with Peacefulness, Happiness, Healthiness, and Excellence? How does it make you feel when you eat something delicious? Can you recreate that same feeling without eating? Of course not. That Upward good feeling from eating the delicious meal arises from the action of eating. Life Leadership is the action you take to provide you with the Upward Living Life Gifts of PH2E. Just as you cannot simply create the feeling of that delicious meal, we also cannot produce on demand the feelings of Peacefulness, Happiness, Healthiness, and Excellence. Only positive and effective Inward Thinking and Outward Actions will lead to the Upward Living Life Gifts we all desire. Inward Living is the principle of thinking and self-reflection while Outward Living is the principle of interacting with others and the world. To increase our PH2E, we should reflect on how to live Inwardly and Outwardly in a positive and effective manner? Nobody can decide our Inward Being, only we do. When we let Outward people decide our Inward state of mind, it’s because we don’t know where our Inward control center is. We need to understand our Inward Thinking to reach our highest possible PH2E which can expand limitlessly to ever new highs. Having that mindset will allow us to feel incredible peace and happiness. Our days will be filled with joy, and when negative events occur, our high PH2E level will neutralize them. Consider the freedom you have to determine your Outward Actions. You have control over how you act in all situations. Therefore, before you act Outwardly, pause and think Inwardly. It’s the pauses that give you freedom. If your Inward Thinking and Outward Actions are positive and effective you will receive Upward Life Gifts into one or more of your PH2E reservoirs. To be Life Leaders, we need to strive to have balanced levels of our PH2E. This means we shouldn’t focus on and value just one, say Happiness or Excellence, over the others. All of the Upward Life Gifts of Peacefulness, Happiness, Healthiness, and Excellence work as one and, when optimized, will help us begin to develop a Dynamic Positive Culture. When we receive high levels of Peacefulness, Happiness, Healthiness, and Excellence (PH2E) as a byproduct of our positive and effective Inward and Outward Living, we not only affect our lives, but we move toward a Dynamic Positive Culture for our families, teams, and organizations as well.
