The 12 Essential Life Anchors Wholehearted Listening during High-Intensity Emotional Conversations Dr. Joe Famularo (10min read) Wholehearted Listening during High-Intensity Emotional Conversations *Listen *Process – *Reflect Back *Respond Back LP
The 12 Essential Life Anchors The IOU Life Living Wheel and The 12 ESSENTIAL LIFE ANCHORS Dr. Joe Famularo (4 min read) The IOU Life Living Wheel represents IOU Living, a foundational framework for positive and effective intentional living based on universal life principles leading to a Dynamic Positive Culture for you, your family, your team, and your organization. There are 6 Inward Anchors that symbolize your Inward Thinking, your Inward opinions, and your Life Maps and 6 Outward Anchors that symbolize your Outward Living and your Outward Actions with others and the world. The 12 Essential Life Anchors are immovable, timeless, universal life principles that provide a framework for living the IOU Principle in a positive and effective manner. The IOU Life Living Wheel and the 12 ESSENTIAL LIFE ANCHORS At the bottom of this blog there is an image of a captain’s wheel which I call the IOU Life Living Wheel. It represents IOU Living, a foundational framework for positive and effective intentional living based on universal life principles leading to a Dynamic Positive Culture for you, your family, your team, and your organization The center of the IOU Life Living Wheel contains an anchor, a critical piece of a ship’s equipment and a symbol of strength, stability, and groundedness. This center anchor represents YOU, with 6 Inward Anchors that point in symbolizing your Inward Thinking, your Inward opinions, and your Life Maps. The IOU Living Wheel also has 6 Outward Anchors that point out, symbolizing your Outward Living and your Outward Actions with others and the world. The 12 Essential Life Anchors are immovable, timeless, universal life principles that will transform your life both Inwardly and Outwardly. They provide a framework for living the IOU Principle in a positive and effective manner. You are always living in one of two modes—Inwardly when you are alone thinking, and Outwardly when you interact with another person or the world. Are you living by your design or the design of others? You have 100% control of your Inward Living, and by taking the time to create your Life Maps, you will feel a sense of control and purpose as you travel on your Life Journey. When the captain rotates the wheel on a ship, it turns the rudder and thus sets the course for the journey. The 12 Essential Life Anchors will assist you in setting the course and navigating your Life Journey. The result is Upward Living, which is the byproduct of the synergy of living the Inward and Outward Principles in a positive and effective manner It is important to pause and reflect on your Inward Anchors – SelfCulture, Life Vision, Daily Mission, Life Principles, Life Values, and Life Goals, which are your safe harbor.. In life, you need to grab IOU Life Living Wheel and steer your ship through the Outward elements of the waves, tides, and storms. The 6 Outward Anchors of Inspire IOU Trust, Practice Positive Communication, Create Common Language, Construct a Cohesive Environment, Establish Everlasting Traditions, and Model a Mindset of Propelling PH2E will provide the steady, true north, timeless principles to enable you to weather any element or storm. It’s time to take charge of your life, lift the anchor, hoist the sails, and turn the captain’s wheel to set the rudder in the direction of your life dreams! dreams!Â
The LIFE MAP CYCLE The LIFE MAP CYCLE Dr. Joe Famularo (4 min read) Did you ever make a decision that didn’t turn out the way you had planned? Did you ever wonder why? Discover how the Life Map Cycle process will help you organize your thoughts, develop a plan, and execute it. When used, you will make and execute better decisions because of your responsible Inward planning and Outward Living. The LIFE MAP CYCLE No matter who we are and what role(s) we occupy in our personal and professional lives, we all need to make decisions. True, some are higher stakes than others, but it’s a fact that decision-making is a part of life. Did you ever make a decision that didn’t turn out the way you had planned? Did you ever wonder why? I had this happen to me many times, and I was always perplexed by it. After all, I had spent time collecting information and didn’t rush into the decision. Somehow, I had missed important facts, and the decision didn’t have the results I’d hoped Over time, I realized what the problem was – it’s not enough to take information and data in – there are other critical steps that should be taken before a decision is made. What happened to me was that I short-circuited the decision-making process and jumped to the end before going through two other important steps. The process I developed is called the Life Map Cycle. It is similar to decision-making processes used in other industries. For example, Charles Camarda, a former NASA astronaut, compared it to an aerospace engineering method called guidance, navigation, and control (GNC) which relies heavily on feedback loops and control theory to keep vehicles on course even when traveling in deep space. The Life Map Cycle is a tool that will help you organize your thoughts, develop a plan, and execute it. When used, you will make and execute better decisions because of your responsible Inward planning and Outward Living. There are four stages in the Life Map Cycle. The first one is the Evaluate stage. This is when you take in the raw data that you observe. Many people think that this is all that is involved in decision-making – taking in the data and then making a decision – but there are two other important steps to take before you make a decision. The second step is Calculate. This is when you organize the data, so it makes sense. Your observations aren’t unrelated pieces of information. You need to sort through them and determine which pieces relate to each other, and which have a common cause, implication, or theme. After you organize the data, you go to the third stage – Formulate. This is the time to formulate your decision. You confirm your earlier thoughts about how to proceed, or modify your plan based on how you have evaluated the data. Finally, you make the decision, take action, and implement your new plan. I refer to this stage as Navigate because you take command and steer your decision into the world. The next time you are faced with a decision, remember the Life Map Cycle, and use all four stages before taking action. Try it on a small, low stakes decision first. When you experience success with it, you will be confident to unleash it on more important tasks.
The 12 Essential Life Anchors Wholehearted Listening during High-Intensity Emotional Conversations Dr. Joe Famularo (10min read) Wholehearted Listening during High-Intensity Emotional Conversations *Listen *Process – *Reflect Back *Respond Back LP – RB2 As described in my book, IOU Life Leadership, Life Anchor 8 of The 12 Essential Life Anchors is Practice Positive Communication. Listening is a critical dimension discussed in Anchor 8, Practice Positive Communication. Being aware of the listening level you are practicing is critical in building trust in all your relationships. There are 4 Levels of Listening: 1 – WholeHearted Listening 2 – HalfHearted Listening 3 – Reply Listening 4 – Distracted Listening Let’s first review each level and then pose some questions to help you reflect upon what level you practice most and if you differentiate your listening level based on particular situations. Level 1 – Wholehearted Listening is listening to others and processing in your heart and mind what another person is saying, and for you to try to understand them completely with your “whole” heart. WholeHearted Listening lets the other person know that you understand what they are feeling and trying to communicate to you. You assure the other person that you are emphatically listening with your whole body, eyes, ears, mind, and heart. Wholehearted Listening is a mindset of listening through your heart first then processing in your mind. At this level, your whole heart and mind try to understand the other person. You neither agree nor disagree with what is being said but seek to understand from the speaker’s perspective. Grasping the speaker’s perspective might be difficult, especially if it differs from yours. However, this must not stop you from listening deeply with your whole heart. It will help if you first calm yourself down and prepare to listen. If you are “hyped up,” anxious, or distracted, you are not going to be a WholeHearted Listener. It is also important to pay attention to both verbal and nonverbal cues from the speaker. In most conversations, Wholehearted Listening is imperative. This is particularly important in High-intensity emotional conversations but is equally important in Average or “typical” conversations.  The difference between the two lies in how you respond after Wholeheartedly Listening. High-intensity emotional conversations arise when at least one person in a conversation is angry, sad, upset, afraid or extremely passionate about something. When you are speaking to a person who is in a High-intensity emotional state, it’s imperative that you focus on Wholehearted Listening. WholeHearted Listening has a tool to help and guide you through a High-intensity emotional conversation. The WholeHearted tool has 4 stages. In High-intensity emotional conversations, you will mostly stay in the first three. Stage 1 – Listen Stage 2 – Process Stage 3 – Reflect Back Stage 4 – Respond Back (Stage 1) Listen – The listening should go through your heart first, then to your mind to (Stage 2) Process what you hear, feel, and see from the other person. Then at times you should go to (Stage 3) Reflect Back (RB) what you think the other person is trying to communicate. During the Reflect Back (RB) (Stage 3) use clarifying statements to confirm that you understand and are reflecting back the speaker’s intentions. Clarifying statements may include: * What I’m hearing is . . . 
 * It sounds like you . . . 
 * It seems that you . . . 
 * So, you are . . . 
 * You seem . . . (use an adjective) . . . frustrated, angry, confused, thrilled, nervous, scared, happy, etc. If you find your mind beginning to wander, remind yourself of Stages 1 and 2, Listen-Process (LP). Keep “LP”ing, and at times Reflect Back (RB) what your understanding of the other person’s feeling and thoughts to confirm that you are Wholeheartedly understanding them. This is empathic listening. LP… LP… LP… then RB Reflect Back is Wholehearted Listening during High-intensity emotional conversations. Only when the other person feels they are understood is when you can give your advice or your opinions in what we call the “Respond Back” Stage 4. As you are going through Stages 1 and 2, Listening and Processing what the other person is saying, you have a choice; you can either go to Stage 3-Reflect back or go to Stage 4-Respond Back. Stage 4 – Respond Back is when you share your thoughts, opinions, point of views, and perceptions. During a High-intensity emotional conversation, when the other person is very upset you should limit the Respond Back talk. The other person needs time to calm their emotions and they need to know you understand them and that you are there for and with them. Before you Respond Back with advice, you need to make sure they are ready. In a High-intensity emotional conversation you may not even Respond Back at all. The other person may just need you there to listen. Stage 4 – Respond Back talk is used much more often during average or typical conversations that are not characterized by high emotions. During Average or “typical” conversations you should be Listening-Processing, Reflecting Back or Responding Back with your opinions, point of views and beliefs. This model will support Practicing Positive Communication (Life Anchor 8) that will build healthy trusting relationships. As St. Francis of Assisi said, “Listen first to understand, then to be understood.” The “Listen first to understand” in St. Francis’s quote is stages 1, 2, and 3, Listen-Process-Reflect Back. The last part of the quote which is, “then to be understood,” is stage 4, the Respond Back stage. Stages 1 and 2, Listen-Process should be cemented in your mind when you are interacting with others. Then you either Reflect Back (Stage 3) to make sure that you understand what the other person is saying or Respond Back (Stage 4) with your thoughts. This tool for Wholehearted Listening is a powerful and simple guide for your conversations. Just remember… LP, LP, LP, LP… then either go to Stage 3
